Vapor Cast
2023
Photo Montage
Hard as we try to control our image, we can’t.
At its core, bodybuilding is aspirational, always a work in progress. As I have molded my physique closer to my ideal, I am aware of conflicting perspectives. The more grounded I become in my physicality, the more I am aware of just how much I have been disconnected.
This circle is taking decades to close. The violent rape I experienced all so long ago in ’74 altered my psyche in ways I am still discovering. I’ve held the word “Dissociation” at arm's length forever. In a sense, I co-opted the long-ago, drug-induced paralysis as a shield. I have only now been able to begin to come to terms with it. This work was coaxed from my need to illustrate my persistent disembodiment. I needed to make the ethereal visible as a bridge to connection.
These images were produced by programming Photoshop to perform manipulations according to a script. I tightly controlled the alteration to tone, color, and contrast. The distortion of my figure and shadow was created by the program's interpretation.